Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
