what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
