I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
