and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
