I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize