Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I still have a little drunk in my system
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
