is wine microwaveable?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize