i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
