Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
