note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize