he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
