I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
