my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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