I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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