Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
