Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So vagazzling was a success
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
