the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
