we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
