i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she told me i tasted like america
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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