God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
