As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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