loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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