The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
