I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
