I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
