Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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