I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Randomize
