If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
