Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
