The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
