i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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