I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
