Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
