she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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