and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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