Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
