The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
