in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
