Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
