I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
