it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
