and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
