Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
