this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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