I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
