I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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