3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
