The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
