I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
