you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
