Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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