I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
