I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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