I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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