but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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