The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
