I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
