wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
