Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
