I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
