Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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