ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize