I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
