In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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