About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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