i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
