grandma shit on top of the toilet
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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