He felt like a one man threesome
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize