dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
