We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize