I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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