Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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