You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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