I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Found the puke drawer
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
