Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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